The Most Awkward Moment of my Life
This blog is kinda different from my other blogs.
Because it's kinda personal.
At that moment, I just wanted to disappear from this world forever. Agar kuch minute aur ruk jata m waha, toh jaan bujh ke chakkar kha ke gir jata. At least this could have saved me from the embarrasment.
It was the first time I have ever done something like that and it will be the last as well.
The Conclusion
Ek baat toh samaj me aai mujhe.
Confession sirf dusro ke padhne me hi maja ata h. Kyuki kudh ke wale dekhne ke baad jo awkward feel hota h na, wo alag hi level par hota h.
How should I put this? I am kinda confused myself... I mean mujhe pata hi nahi ki kya ho gaya us moment me. M kuch bhi boley ja raha tha. Never got the chance to fully express my feelings.
Mujhe toh ye bhi nahi pata ki uska jawab YES tha ya NO (sun ne me toh HA hi lag raha tha 🫠). I don't know what girls' mean when they reply with a smile but it's neither a "YES" nor a "NO". It was just a cute smile.
So, now my plan is to go full invisible mode in the college. At least kuch time tak toh gayab hi rahna hai. Exam dete hi sidha ghar. No need to code in the Library for the next 7 days. And after these 7 days, I will go back to GUWAHATI.
Ushe bhi thodi space deta hu. Sirf kudh ka hi kyu sochna. Ushe kaisa lag raha hoga ye bhi nahi pata. Maybe she is just chilling out with her friends and I am just overthinking.
Aab se kuch din tak najre mila ke toh baat nahi kar paunga (waise toh pehle bhi najre mila ke baat karne me dikkat hoti thi.).
The Context
I actually CONFESSED to a girl. And the thing which makes it worst is the part where I confessed to her. It was the WORST CONFESSION OF MY LIFE (ye blog ka title likhta toh sab padhne aa jaate. Isliye jaan bujh ke title badal diya). Life me ek hi baar confess kiya h kisi se and wo bhi bekar tareeke se kiya hai. So this awkwardness is not from what she said or how she reacted. Infact, her reaction was so cute that I felt like reversing the time itself and leave this conversation for a future date so that she don't have to feel embarrased. It's actually the way how I confessed. I mean if a normal person could have seen me, he would have definitely corrected me on the spot.
By the way, her name is "KyaKarogeNaamJaanKe". Let's just call her that. ("is" used intentionally. kyuki uska abhi bhi wahi naam hai. iske alawa pura blog past tense me hai)
The moment I confessed, she got SURPRISED and even I was CONFUSED. Mujhe laga ushe suna nahi. Aab m waha khada hoke ye soch raha hu ki ushe suna nahi ya wo sun ne ke baad surprise ho gayi hai. I am still CONFUSED though. But aab ushse message karke thodi puchunga ye sab.
Based on how I am, it's impossible for others to believe that I can actually confess to a girl. Kyuki unhone mujhe jab bhi dekha h, code karte hi dekha h. But I was confident or at least that's what I thought and showed up infront of her. The worst part - Kya bolna h wahi nahi pata and jaha hum khadey thay waha bacche aur teacher sabhi aa gaye. Toh privacy aur space dono hi nahi mili. Somehow we went somewhere else. But waha bhi itni jagah nahi thi ki m mera gala phaad ke wo 3 magical words chilla saku. (actually me toh 2 hi words magical thay. 3isra toh uske synonym se change kar diya tha.) I wasn't trying to act cool or ask her on a DATE. It was only to become her friend. To get to know her better. But I failed miserably.
All those efforts for this moment and I completely ruined it. M picchle 3 din se roj 2 se 3 ghante bahar stairs par wait karta tha, ki jab uska paper khatam hoga aur wo bahar ayegi tab bata dunga. I waited and waited and kept on waiting for her....... But wo tab aai jab sab aa rahe thay. This is the difference between a boy and a girl. And that's why they get RANKS while we get BACKS. (Mujhe bss ye jaan na h ki ladkiya itna kya likhti rahti h exam me. M toh 1 ghante padhta hu aur 1 ghante me hi paper karke aa jata hu.)
Now, my only regret is that she might think I was trying to get close to her from the very start. Well, in reality I was just trying to be a friend. I ordered some items as souveiners when returning from GUWAHATI (Wo abhi bhi aye nahi hai. Gifts se pehle toh m apne ghar pahoch chuka tha.). And those gifts were for everyone - Friends (even she is a friend) and Family. It's not like I wanted to give her a gift just because I like her.
I mean...... that was also a reason but it's not the only reason.
I chose friendship because RELATIONSHIP just takes away your freedom, your privacy and your happiness (Ha HAPPINESS bhi. Kyuki depression dil tutte aashiq aur JEE MAINS rah jaane wale ASPIRANTS ko hi nahi pakad raha hai sirf.).
I like being a game NPC whose only task is to observe the nearby PLAYERS (in this case, couples). Friendship is much better and healthy especially when you are still young.
The Start
The End nahi likh sakta title me. I am an optimistic guy you know. Bss corona ke test me hi negative nikala hu aaj tak. Uske alawa toh har jagah positivity hi dikhai h maine. Abhi toh life ki shuruat hi hui h. Aisi galtiya toh hoti hi rahti hai. Next time properly puchunga.
Ek dost ne kaha ki tu "OVERTHINK" kar raha hai. M toh ushe kahna chah raha tha ki:
Pagli/Pagle ye m aaj se thodi kar raha hu. Overthinking hi toh wo pehla kaam h jo mai koi kaam shuru karne ke baad karta hu. Aur fir uss kaam ko khatam karne ke baad hi ye overthinking band hoti h 😎.